The Dragon Horror Picture Show
by Apollo Wings
Summary: Yes, Evil Muse is back... and rampant. The Ferelden Players, actors of the infamous stage-plays 'Dragon Age' and 'Dragon Age 2' have a new playwright who's determined to put on a play that's laudable and sexual. Rated M from the start simply for the cover art.


Author note: Much awaited by some; I introduce... Dragon Age/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover! The first on FF!

I hope you enjoy - this'll only be updated infrequently due to my main storylines so do stick by me! Obviously seriously AU. Don't forget to review and don't be too... freaked out by the cover art - which I did all by myself with a little help from photoshop and a few years of IT diploma. Rated M from the start mainly because of that...

And let me say once and for all. I own nothing of Dragon Age, Rocky Horror or anything else referenced, David Gaider/Ea/Bioware/Richard O'Brien own all, including my soul. Plus Magda put herself in this. Damned muse made herself a character now... This is just the opening chapter, the true crossover starts next chapter but enjoy!

* * *

Walking into the down-town theatre was an experience in itself, once the stage for one of the greatest plays written, 'Dragon Age' by the local amateur dramatics society and the sequel, 'Dragon Age 2'. The new playwright rubbed her hands together to stave off the cold, breath coming out in sharp bursts of white as she fiddled with the keys to open the ancient oak doors with the filigree iron detailing wrought over the top.

The playwright cursed, dropping the keys and leaning down into the snow, cold-reddened fingers having to be poked in the grey and brown slush that accumulated on the step this late in winter. "Normally the playwright's the last here." She looked up to see a man in heavy winter coat, done up with wooden toggles and a deep purple scarf wrapped around his neck. He smiled warmly picking up the keys for her in his thick gloves and handing them over.

"Apologies." She shrank a little in the actor's presence, he was imposing and it was hard to forget the vigour and vim he gave during the soliloquy and taking upon the larger than life role of Loghain Mac Tir. That playwright, David Gaider, of 'Dragon Age' had struck gold there, naming the characters after the actors of the am dram society themselves, the roles tailor-made to the humans, elves and dwarves of the company and who they could best play. "It's hardly everyday someone gets the opportunity to direct The Ferelden Players."

"You'll get over the nerves and we've all been reading the script." She took a double take at the roguishly handsome young man that came up behind Loghain, none other than Alistair Theirin. He patted Loghain on the shoulder and again it was hard to forget the hatred between the two had been mere acting. She'd been sucked into the world of 'Thedas' and dragon slaying, extras playing darkspawn and repeatedly being killed, the paper maiche Archdemon became a true monster on that stage. But the true acting was that antagonistic relationship between the characters, each being seen in slightly different lights with each performance done. "It's not bad. I've been thinking about going after the role of... well that would be telling wouldn't it?"

He grinned widely and it wasn't difficult at that moment to think of the earnest, if a bit naive bastard he played three nights a week for nearly two years. Most of the performances she'd seen.

All the actors that played 'The Warden' were the truly wonderful thing of it though. Each of those seven actors in the seven seasons the play had run changed the play so much. Elissa Cousland always spared Loghain's life at the Landsmeet, falling in love with the traitor Teyrn, always committed to seeing Rendon Howe slaughtered for killing her family and straight-backed. Kallian Tabris would always fall in love with the Antivan assassin, snarky and crude but full of girly giggles and smiles. It was always chilling to see Sereda Aeducan murder her own brother and get her heart broken by Gorim Saelac, how callous she could be when she almost ordered Alistair to take the sacrifice of his life. Faren Brosca made the whole winter of the year playing the lewd, crude dwarf from the slums to become friends with a King and finally beholden to no man. Theron Mahariel always made it seem as if he truly shared the strong friendships and incredibly tragic ending of that Warden against the Archdemon. She always adored Daylen Amell finding out that mages could fall in love and be loved, only to end his life for his Orlesian bard to live in a world without darkspawn. Alim Surana was always a pleasure to see perform on stage, the intricate ways the ex-street magician could whip tissue paper in the air to make it seem like he could wield fire never ceased to amaze. If she was honest - she loved Dragon Age more than the second play.

Not that the four siblings, Garrett, Marian, Bethany and Carver Hawke were terrible! Oh they were always amazing! She loved it when Marian as a mage would fall for the worst person possible and fall hopelessly for the Tevinter fugitive, or when she played the warrior instead she'd get into a tragic tale of terrorism and love with Anders. The rogue always the calmer of the three 'Marians' played who became Princess of Starkhaven. Garrett Hawke only ever played the mage or warrior, the mage always delving into deep forbidden magic alongside his Dalish lover, the warrior a loveable puppy dog who was charmed senseless by a bawdy pirate. The tale differed a bit with each re-telling and she loved the booth at the side of the stage where Varric Tethras played narrator to the whole play.

"I always find the role of villain suits more." Loghain shrugged, drawing herself out of wonderment of the various actors that had played The Warden or The Champion. "Are you opening the damned door then or just going to stand there like a scrawny stick?"

"Missing your coffee?" Alistair jabbed. Loghain rolled his eyes and smiled weakly.

"I'll get the urn inside switched on quick." The playwright fumbled, trying to open the door and finally kicking it open with the chunky wedge heel of her boot before stumbling inside. "Jesus H Christ would you look at it? I have free run of this very theatre where magic happened! Two weeks of running with space for audience requested addition dates!"

"You're happy." Loghain snorted, pulling his scarf off and placing it on the hook closest the door and undoing his heavy coat, revealing a black turtleneck and dark denim jeans with winter boots. "Coffee was promised?"

"Oh! Of course! Just give me a moment to grab my bearings and stop being a typical fan." The playwright unwound her bobbly beige scarf, knitted by an aunt yonks ago and shrugged off her parka. She straightened out her felt, emerald green waistcoat and shook off some of the snow from the bottom of her gypsy skirt. She pushed her tortoiseshell glasses up her nose and used the scrunchie on her wrist to tie back her rebellious frizzy hair that fell to mid-back. "Now I'm your playwright! If you'll lead the way gentlemen, I'm still not used to being able to access all areas as it were."

"Sure thing." Alistair nodded. "We always tend to turn up first. Then Oghren would stumble in and crash into the dressing room. Which is of course - how the joke about the cross-dressing dwarf came about."

"I always wondered." She smiled. "So what about Dragon Age 2 then?"

"The first in was always Garrett, he went to every showing too." Alistair laughed. "Unfortunately he's in London, Merrill's having their first and only the best for her."

"I knew that wasn't acting when Merrill and Garrett first kissed." She snapped her fingers. "Any actual couples from the Dragon Age plays or was it all just incredible acting?"

"Kallian and Zevran are actually together, Sereda and Gorim." Alistair listed, pushing casually into the kitchenette and flicking the fluorescent light on. "Daylen actually is with Jowan, Elissa is..." Alistair turned slightly red about the ears.

"Pregnant. Our first." Loghain snorted softly. "So you'll understand why she's not auditioning and why The Warden couldn't turn up in Dragon Age 2 because it was Sereda first who whelped, then Morrigan actually had Alim's child after sticking that pillow up her shirt."

The playwright arched her eyebrows. "And Marian? Theron? Faren?"

"Marian!" Alistair exclaimed, opening his arms wide. The playwright spun around to see the tell-tale choppy hair of Marian Hawke.

"Gossip? Tell everyone about Theron yet?" Marian frowned.

"What happened?"

"Car crash. Hooked up to life-support. Thankfully they think he'll pull through after the first 24 hours but Christ, he looked a mess." She sighed deeply. "So who's turning up today?"

"Shit really?" The playwright sucked in a breath. "I hope he's alright. But this sounds horrid but I'll have to re-write his part."

"Fenris gave me a buzz. He'll take Theron's part but that's not a happy elf." Marian sat down at the kitchen top and flicked the coffee machine on. "Kallian and Zevran are stuck on the tube, some sort of strike but should be here by 10. Isabela said she'll be hungover so excuse the shades."

"Shit Marian." The kitchen door slammed open and Sebastian Vael came in, white puffa coat with fur trim still on and red in the face. "Just got the text. Is Theron?"

"He should be fine if he makes the first 24 hours." Marian answered him.

"I always thought Theron killed you the best way." Alistair elbowed Loghain. "Knife in the gut."

"I preferred Sereda's beheading, that gasp from the audience was worth the hours stuck in a plaster cast to make a copy of my head to roll on the stage." Loghain shrugged. "I should text Elissa though. She'll end up worrying herself something rotten if she doesn't get the news from one of us."

"I'll give you all a few moments." The playwright felt odd, surrounded by the actors she'd watched for years in this theatre, just chatting. They all knew each other she supposed but it made her feel odd.

* * *

It was a week later that they got the news about Theron. He hadn't made it. On the same day Merrill gave birth to a son and named him after the actor they'd all adored. The whole company turned out to the party they held in his honour in the theatre.

"We should dedicate this to him." Elissa raised her sparkling water and leaned into the snack table. "Magda?"

The playwright spun on the stop at her name being called. "Good idea." She nodded. "Everyone agreed?"

"Undoubtedly." Garrett raised his beer. "What do you think Theron?" He wiggled a finger in the swaddles in Merrill's arms. The chubby half-elf baby grabbed hold of the finger and latched gums on the digit. "I don't speak baby but I assume that means yes."

"We went to drama school together." Merrill smiled weakly, jostling her swaddles. "I just can't believe it." It was strange seeing the elf without her painted on tattoos or the fact Fenris wasn't scowling at everyone of the company that played a 'mage'.

"I have the final cast sheets by the way." Magda put her glass of wine down and grabbed a cucumber sandwich square. "Seems you all knew who'd fit better than I did."

The sheets were handed about to groans and cheers. "Loghain's the villain again!" Elissa cheered weakly. "Look at that costume love. You're really going to command that stage."

"Such is the life of us starving actors dear." Loghain answered her tiredly. "Just don't bring your parents to this one."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"I'm honoured to take Theron's place." Fenris put the sheet down on the table and reached for the wine like his character of the same name would.

"He was the only actor I knew where I wanted him." Magda admitted.

"We're a couple again Marian!" Sebastian rubbed the actor with the vodka and coke. "I just always wonder why I have to be so chaste it's ridiculous."

"Get to the later acts Mr Vael. You're hardly chaste later on." The Scottish man flicked the pages of the master script and gasped.

"You rascal! Loghain look at page 200!" The lead actor of the play flicked through and cracked a laugh.

"You'll enjoy it boy. There's worst some actors end up with. Spot on for him though." Loghain passed the script back. "You're just bloody lucky we can all sing you know."

"I'm always bloody lucky!" Magda snorted. "A toast regardless then. To Theron!"

She picked up her glass of wine and raised it high. "To Theron." Murmured around the empty of audience theatre.

"Look at my costume!" The stage left was dominated suddenly by tanned, blond elf in golden underwear and little else.

"Zevran!" Kallian laughed. "Not yours!" the elf picked up a cast sheet and pushed it across the stage. The Spaniard picked it up tutting.

"Oh! Motorcycle and leathers! Not as nice but not half bad!" He chuckled.

"Disinfect that after you take it off. I don't want whatever you've got Zev." Fenris said off-hand.


End file.
